Contemplative Inquiry

The site of the Llanthony Priory physic garden feels like a healing space, though it lost that role in the sixteenth century. When it was in use, a great many health problems could not be fixed. But  healers could still provide compassion and care. An after echo remains.

In the 1400’s and 1500’s overall life expectancy at birth was only 30-35 in England, largely due to high levels of infant and childhood mortality. Added to this, maternal mortality has been estimated at 1-1.5% of all births, with a lifetime risk of 1 in 18 to 1 in 20. Because of these risks, a significant number of women died before the age of 45. Men over 21 could hope to live until 60 – aristocrats until 69. For them, ‘three score years and ten’ was not just an aspirational slogan’. It was a real possibility. But relatively few people made it.

If I map my own history onto the period, I could not have survived beyond my mid 50’s. The physicians of the day (and for a long time afterwards) did not have the knowledge and resources to fix my cancer. In today’s world it has been banished for 20 precious years in my life and has shown no sign of returning. I celebrate my 77th birthday in 18 days. I have survived into a time when I been wonderfully fixed, for which I feel a deep gratitude. It has been a happy and fruitful 21 years.

The health limitations I have now are not fixable in the same way. They go with the privilege of longevity. They are currently well-contained but they will not go away in my lifetime. So I look at well-being in other ways. Here is somebody else’s list of the ‘real luxuries of life’ (1):

Slow mornings

Freedom to choose

A good night’s sleep

Peace of mind

Calm and boring days

Being present

People you love

People who love you

These are all present for me, and they do alot to support my wellbeing. Sadly, I realise that in the world we now live in, they count as a form of privilege. Taken together, they depend on me being time rich with some material security.  Being a retiree is the most common way of achieving this and I really like it. But I wonder if our successors will get the same opportunities.

I have experienced the economic aspects of social progress going backwards for much of my adult life. Now all aspects seem to be threatened. Life expectancy is beginning to slip, with growing inequalities. We also know, if we take evidence seriously, that the continuity of human life on earth is at risk.

When I think of these things I feel a range of emotions: anger, fear and especially grief. I experience a sense of limited agency. I am also, to say the least, concerned about the capacity and good faith of major decision makers. I worry about a future that I won’t  be part of. Any sense of legacy or contribution to pass on is deeply compromised.

I am glad that I can manage my feelings and put space around them. I can switch my attention and go somewhere else – to prevent myself becoming blinkered and obsessive. But  my distress needs to be there, included in my psychic ecology, as a valid reponse to bad collective circumstances that don’t go away. It’s part of being human. Mature wellbeing can be complex.

(1) Facebook group Woodlarking